BOOM!! YIPPIE KAY-YEAY

recently, my husband kept pushing to go blogging again. what a reasonable suggestion since i don't have a job. today, out of nowhere..i found my old blog..the neglected one (as usual). i was just surprised and happy and sad and i don't know. it was a mixture of a bunch of feeling. So, guess I'm going to go blogging again!! YIPPIE KAY-YEAY!!! Welcome me, world..hello unimportant writing *LOL

untitled

i'm not mad, just disapointed
feel better?

cant live in fairness, truely

i left a friend for a person because i feel tired to hurt this person. hoping this person will do the same thing for me. rubbish. nothing's equal in this life.

today wisdom

gapapa nur skripsi belum selesai.gapapa kalo belum bisa belajar makna pengendalian diri dari skripsi.minta maaf ke orang tua, terus minta doa juga.insya allah lancar.

(it comes from a text from a beloved friend.may Allah always take care of her.amin)

rotation

i spent the day listening to loud songs...after hours, it felt tired..i stopped..then listened to religious songs..
it's healing my ears moreover my brain..

another beginning means you're stuck

it is very common in people's life to start a beginning then to meet and end but what is happening to me right now is i keep making a new beginning in  the same exact thing. this is far from to be said good. i'm trying to be excited though. as usual, final paper thingy is not the most beautiful thing in my life.

wow. i should start questioning my ability as a learner. it seems to me that i don't reject this re-started process over and over again..i don't believe that i have learned something from my procrastination..too bad,i know..

i start doing my final paper again, chapter one again, i'm stuck here...


i want to meet the ending of my final paper in a very impressing condition...but
desperation without effort is what i'm keeping, i can see where i am heading by this

http://library.nu/

very good site to have free books :-)

http://library.nu/

abandoning facebook-twitter, saving me

it was november 8 when i was inspired to block my fb & twitter account from myself. i asked my boyfriend to do that for me by changing the password of both account with something i can't predict so i can't access them. 

following those sites has driven me crazy. many people uploading photos of their commencement. many of them as well shouting their success in defending their degree.those happy things that people reached out but me, i haven't even struggled for mine...

i decided to back off from the page so i won't get hurt since i'm already hurting myself here by procrastinating. 

it is now more than two weeks without those social sites. how do i feel? HAPPY..i mean, i don't feel lost at all. maybe, i really don't need them in the very first place. good luck to me..

moreover, each time i have the intention to search anything i need for my paper, it end up with me chatting or tweeting,,doesn't make sense at all for women in my age for not having control over themselves. so, i am a non sense by keeping my habit.

i'd love to see me changing into a more mature one....

skripsweating

i was like a pregnant woman that takes a maternity leave. i left my final paper for almost three month.such a waste.

aradika lulunta is my brother's name

i will never forget the day, the first day, as my dad named my little brother. he insisted to have his (my brother's of course) name, dika. then, it turned out to be ARADIKA. i was just fine with it. however, the middle name that bugged me, LULUNTA. what on earth is this name classsified into?! weird to me. it never sounds like a sundanese name. my brother lost his identity in his first day being named (pardon my racism). it reminds me to one of my ex's last name, tigaras. see? you can never stop guessing that he is not a sundanese otherwise he is. he absolutely is. just like my little brother, born in the middle of original sundanese family..

my brother is more appropriate to be my nephew or even the son of my newly wed neighbor since we differ almost 14 years in age..what a proper age to have a little brother. but now, what can i do? he's all here, ALIVE.. alhamdulillah, he must be a reminder for me of all anything that i'm still figuring out..

so, tonight was just like the other nights if i come home. i help him studying..i just realized if time passed so passed. he's in grade three now. feels just like yesterday i rocked him a baby, changed his diaper, spoon-fed him...but now, he can even use cellphone..

he cried tonight as he learned with me.yeah,math.he didn't really understand what the material was about.. thing that got me mad was that he didn't pay enough attention or focus on the subject. so, he kept forgetting what i had told him that it made me keep repeating things we had discussed. annoying!! 

but he stayed there, learned with me til the end..although he got corporal punishment from me..emh..what an evilish sister i am.. that's just how i expressed my love for you, little brother :-) <alibi>

is that the voice of ghost??!

it was three o'clock in the morning, my people called it subuh. with no reason i haven't slept. 

this is my fifth year in this lodge. nothing strange ever happened here (except that fire cracker on new year's eve looked like a war to me). i am a believer but it is hard for me to believe that ghost created in my people's mind does real exist. i always assume it as a result of overly tired thinking or anything related to unstable mind.

anyway, so i've heard something called astral projection or sixth sense and whatsoever it is.  i didn't really care. but, this very very early morning as i opened my room's door something happened. this is not the first time for me to stay out in the terrace late at night or even after midnight like this. i expected nothing, for real. 

this one night turned out to be 'special' though. as i opened the door, i was welcome by the sound of crying.

so i was really surprised. i ain't gonna lie if the weather was so cold that it could freeze anybody to death. yet, i wasn't so sure of what i heard. betting that it was just the sleepy me creating out imagination. OR, it's just the voice from a mosque..you know, contemplating thing..or a neighbor crying in the middle of the night prayer, or mad people who happened to pass the hood..too many options.hard to decide. then, i decided to listen to it..carefully

HOLYCOW!!!!!!!! i heard it again,,even clearer (i listened to it carefully).. i started to have a panic attack.. but, i needed to pee. so, i peed..and the voice just got clearer.. oh God...i'm scared

i returned to my room with the back sound of the day..really wished to hide behind a couch. . . . . . . .

unforunately, i don't have one..

this incident will get me eventually busy with my mind, will i still be brave enough to get home late alone after this?! guess, i'm gonna bring Qur'an everywhere (do i know how to use it,huh?!)

protect me, God,,please..don't let me have any supernatural power (really nury?!u wish!!)

parents-children relationship

#sipping coffee,looking at the clock: 35 minutes of an early day.everybody sleeps.#yawning

this is something i have wanted to write since about two days ago. the eagerness was rose from a conversation between me with one of my teenage-friend. i found the conversation was really interesting yet surprising. how couldn't it be so surprising if this somebody i talked to is  kind of a person who sees that sharing is a way to HUMILIATE yourself in front of others.

this conversation was perhaps a breakthrough for this teenage-friend of mine. anyway, by keeping this event here it doesn't mean that i am the good cop who owns everything good. i just see it as something interesting to be kept in mind and learned since many people are going to be parent.

i am somebody who likes to pay attention to other people. then this teenage-friend of mine (abbreviated : TFOM) seemed so bored or lazy..i asked TFOM why, TFOM just mentioned that TFOM was tired. i tried to believe but failed. i kept wondering why TFOM was such in the mood. furthermore, TFOM did something unusual like texting.weird for him.

after i talked to TFOM here and there about various things in the world, TFOM addressed some questions related to college. I answered briefly and narratively perhaps. the shocking part was the situation in which TFOM told me about TFOM's worry feeling about college, dilemma of staying away from parents but really wish  for it, and on how a person wants to have a larger limit as an almost grown-up. 

i understand all of that feeling. trying to find out if this all has been delivered to the parents, TFOM told me no one ever knows, never tell anyone but me. shocked. although i always think that parent is not the person a teenage want to always talk to but i believe that there should be an effort to maintain a closer relationship. shouldn't parents be the party who know the children at all?!#judgmental?YES

 

being flattered of finding out that  i'm the one to talk was not good enough for me. i was sad even. 

my parents are in this type. they don't really talk to the children. i don't know if they pay too much respect on their children's privacy but to me it's bullshit (pardon my language). asking your children's feeling after a long day at school won't give anybody two more tons of burden i bet.

quoting a song lyrics titled  LISTEN: (randomly)

i am alone at a crossroad. i'm not at home in my own home. i tried and tried to say what's on my mind. i followed the voice you gave to me.but now i gotta find my own.

i'm creating that this is a situation in which a teenage could be. don't know where to head best to their future.their wish is against their parents'.having no people to 'talk' to turns them into an introvert. didnt say that being introvert is bad but personally, i prefer to talk. this is not how a relationship supposed to be.

that kid slapped me rite in d heart

i live with this religious family along my college life (that means until today and several weeks after this one posted) this family has a little boy named gilba but out of nowhere he prefers to be called kakong. he is pretty much annoying; as the other boys are, growing up in a high rate curiosity that makes them throw a bunch of question. okay, that was an introduction.

this evening, he showed up in my room and told me a 'geje' story. as usual, i listened without interest.

• kakong: "teh nury, teh nury..tadi yah di sekolah kakong 2 kelas pada nangis loh pas denger puisi.aneh kan?"
• aku: "ai kakong nangis ga??"
• kakong: "nangis juga.aneh ihh gara-gara puisi ajah nangis."
• aku: (staring blankly and feeling awkward.isn't this boy also weird?! )" emang puisi apa?dari guru bahasa indonesia?"
• kakong: "bukan ih, dari temen kakong.nih dengerin gera. " (reaching cellphone to play the recording)
• aku: (listening in tears) "sedih ya kong"
• kakong: "iyah..teh nury juga nangis gening"
• aku: "iyah"

the recording was a monologue about children-parents relationship in which children are usually annoying but  parents keep forgiving and so on. mostly used in a contemplating session, once i saw it in a religious event. also cried out loud at that moment. but this one hit me harder. the content was narrowed down to graduation, commencement; something i haven't been able to give to my parents..in the middle of my idleness from doing my damn paper, those words i heard seemed to be sharp-poisonous swords.

i want to have my commencement real soon..
now i know, i might not be so proud to graduate, at least i know..to my parents, my graduation is a marvelous present..

here, i transcribed the poem

Bahagiaku Surga Mereka dan Deritaku Pilu Mereka - karya Feby

Aku berdiri mengenakan toga ini di sebuah jalan setapak yang gelap. Pandanganku tertuju pada orang di kejauhan sana dengan senyuman yang tak asing di mataku. Dua orang yang sangat aku hargai. Dua orang yang sangat aku hormati, aku cintai dan aku sayangi. Ya, mereka papa dan mamaku. Dengan disertai senyuman, aku berjalan menghampiri mereka.

Seiring dengan langkah, terlintas di benakku atas apa yang telah mereka lakukan terhadap hidupku selama ini.

Mama yang telah mengandungku  selama sembilan bulan. Mama yang sudah memperjuangkan hidup dan matinya hingga aku dapat hadir di dunia ini. Mama juga yang telah merawatku dengan penuh kelembutan dan kasih sayang.

Papa yang telah mendidikku. Papa yang telah rela bekerja banting tulang ikhlas mengeluarkan keringatnya agar aku bisa menikmati hidup; detik demi detik, hari demi hari, bahkan tahun demi tahun.

Apakah yang dapat aku lakukan  untuk membalas mereka?

Sering aku tutup kuping gamau dengerin nasehat mereka. Sering banget aku bohong kepada mereka untuk kepuasanku. Sering aku ngelawan jika mereka marah karena kenakalanku. Sering juga aku banting pintu di hadapan mereka jika mereka tidak mengabulkan permintaanku, dan bahkan sering aku mengeluarkan kata-kata kasar yang ga pantas mereka dengar dari bibirku.     "dasar cerewet!" "kuno!" "kolot!"

Tapi, apakah mereka memendam rasa dendam terhadapku? Tidak. Tidak sama sekali. Mereka dapat tulus memaafkan kekhilafanku. Mereka tetap menyayangiku dalam setiap hembusan napas mereka. Bahkan, mereka tetap menyebut namaku dalam setiap doa-doa mereka hingga aku menjadi seperti sekarang ini.

Ya Tuhan, betapa durhakanya aku! Tidak sadarkah aku bahwa mereka adalah orang-orang yang sangat berarti dalam hidupku?

Langkah-langkahku terhenti di hadapan mereka dan kupandangi papa dan mamaku inci demi inci. Badan yang dulu tegap-kekar kini mulai membungkuk. Rambut yang dulu hitam kini mulai memutih dan kulit mereka yang dulu kencang kini mulai berkeriput.

Kutatap mata mereka yang berbinar-binar dan mulai meneteskan air mata bahagia, air mata haru, air mata bangga melihatku memakai toga ini.

Kucium tangan mereka. Kupeluk mereka sambil berkata "Papa, Mama, yang aku berikan hari ini tidak akan cukup membalas semua yang telah Papa dan Mama berikan selama ini terhadapku. Trima kasih, Pa. Trima kasih, Ma. Aku sayang papa dan mama sampai akhir hayatku"

gossiping is not merely bout making sin, it's a learning. . .

--> nama tokoh sengaja tidak disamarkan)

from :(juwita +6285224xxxx70 )

. . . . . . . . gue besyukur nuy mash di kasih seneng dtengh2 yg nyebelin itu td...so many things to be laughed than to be cried :-)

reply: (nury +62856200xxx4)

Bet that's what life is all about. .happy always over sad . . . . 

even, in the middle of gossiping <yang berkedok curhat #grin> .. you still remember God the Almighty, you're still able to learn the meaning of whatsoever your God sent you...

eat well, live well

i read it somewhere, forget in which media. it has been teasing my mind lately. eat well, live well. the words try to show a relation between the words before and after the coma. inferring the message that if somebody gets proper foods then he will manage a good life, in this case a healthy life, at least i bet that is the interpretation. however, the prescription to live a life (in which people shout 'what a life') is a complexion of many elements. food is one of it. not to mention, habitual activity plays a greater role.

recalling the food-section, if the food is proper yet the eating habit is not in a regularity, that won't work too smooth. moreover, the menu consists of strictly nutritious food but the eater doubly eat the the normal portion. life will still be like a hell at the old age. currently, the promotion of living healthily is quite a program. it can be seen here and there. it mostly talks about exercising.

doing sport is like a neutralizing point in creating quality life. no matter how many portions of junk food you eat but exercise regularly a lot, the source of the disease can actually be omitted...

totally undeniable for me if doing sport isn't my thing. you gotta choose the right attire, put on shoes then go to the sport center such gym or certain field around your neighborhood. this particular requirements kill my mood to have exercise, to the deepest level eventually. as a result, i never do any.

until i found yoga. i can do it in my lovely lodge without even changing my pajamas..

further contemplation is made, i need enough sleep..gonna work on my 8-hour-sleeping from now on..

whoops!!! it's 10 pm already, gotta go to bed,,talk to you later.nighty night :-)

MY FIRST YOGA

i found me as the most ridiculous creature today..so long i know that yoga is good for relaxing your body. however, something that i don't get is that relaxing means enduring the body system. anyhow, the dumb me always think that relax is a condition in which your body and soul feel no pressure coz you find something amusing, more importantly..YOU DON'T SWEAT, baby

then, out of nowhere,,my brain led me to somehow search a yoga video from youtube.com ..tadaaa, it revealed. i downloaded it. not so long after that, subconsciously i practiced it. what i imagine at that time was the whole movement wud be just so so (calm, do not need powerful effort,i can lay down all the time). but guess what.. it was not that way at way. my imagination ended as a dark daydream in a cloudy noon.

i was all sweating.the shirt got wet.the anti-uv cream melted down with the sweat.the heat was not so far different from aerobic.holycow.what was i imagining.thought yoga was nothing but no,, IT IS SOMETHING (syahrini will say sesuatu for this)

though it was fool yet i found it amusing,fun and of course useful for me.i have option,a perfect option for exercising.do not need to go jogging anymore.i can do yoga now.in my own room.even in my pajamas.no shoe needed,babe.what a life. more interestingly is it burns fat..welcome to hood of weight loss..

here, i spare the address.might you want to try it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6Wt9CFb-4s

happy yoga exercising :-)

SHALOUM....

i don't give up blogging yet so many already left back there..forgot how many i already created to be then just ignored...blogging gives certain satisfaction to me, regardless no people read this except ME..still, i am so happy to share.well, my statement seems to be contra-productive with the effort i'm making (read: making shaloum)

this first is intended as a greeting to welcome people who come to see my blog eventually but just like i said, no people read my blog..fool me..

no problem, i am still here though.blogging.this is one urgent-emergency point that i am standing, even walking in.stuck in the middle of my final paper (ind:skripsi). the biggest barrier is myself, my mind..there is nothing scarier to me right now but facing my own lazy-demotivated self..